The Girl Who Lost Her Smile

Many of you know me, Miss Molly, as the ever-positive and always optimistic person who embodies joy, encouragement, and hope. That is, after all, why I started #MollysWords. But “Molly’s Words” actually started from sharing my own vulnerable experiences about my life. The real, the raw, the not so pretty trials many of us face, in hopes to let those suffering know that they are not alone and to share that there is always hope.

The very thought of putting the words onto paper (or in this case mass publication on the internet) frightens me. I hold back with fear at the idea of sharing something so personal, only a few people in my life understand or know about it. But the idea that my story may help someone battling the same battle makes it all worth it. So as I open up once again, I share with you something I’ve recently struggled with — depression. I am that girl who lost her smile. Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss Molly

Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss MollyIf for a moment you’re thinking, “Surely not Molly, she’s always smiling and has it all together,” I’m here to share that I definitely do not have it all together. This is the very reason why I’m sharing this. Perhaps you’ve been through it before, maybe you struggle with it currently or know someone who does, or maybe you have no clue some of your friends battle with it. The thing with depression is that so many of us suffer in silence. If you suffer from depression, know you are not alone. More than 300 million adults worldwide suffer from it (source here) and to label it as sadness is a complete understatement.

Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss Molly

It’s a daily battle.

I’m not speaking from articles I’ve read and I’m also not a licensed health professional, but here are just a few of the debilitating experiences a person with depression might go through. More so, here’s my story and what I’ve been through.

  • I feel everything all at once and other times paralyzingly numb.
  • I want to socialize, but the idea of being around people and faking a smile is draining.
  • I want to be left alone, but I don’t want to feel lonely.
  • I feel alone and like no one understands me.
  • I’m forgetful even about things I always remember.
  • I have to do everything I can just to make it out of bed in the morning.
  • The joy that I thrive on disappears and the things that normally make me smile, don’t.
  • I feel trapped inside my own head.
  • I am constantly running my mind with ideas for business, but no motivation to pursue it.
  • I feel guilt and shame for the way my brain thinks.
  • I can’t concentrate or focus on one task.
  • I cry for no reason at all.
  • Making even the smallest decision like what to eat is incredibly overwhelming.
  • I hate myself for the way it affects my friends and family.
  • I worry it will never end.
  • “I can’t do this anymore,” overtakes my thoughts.Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss Molly

I’ve always battled with anxiety, and although they often go together at times, that is a whole different subject within itself. But what I didn’t realize is that most of this started back in the fall when everything in my life changed. All at once, my job changed, and so did my income stability, where I lived, medications, relationships and overall health. I was a wreck and I’m still battling each day to overcome this anxiety. It’s a process and I remind myself daily to do my best and give myself grace. I remind myself that it’s OK to not be OK.Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss Molly

You see, depression is painstakingly real and not ever something you should suffer with. I’m lucky enough to be in the care of great healthcare professionals. I used to feel embarrassed or guilty about this, but it’s simply doing what needs to be done to take care of my health. Taking a blogging break recently was one of them. Mental health is equally as important and just because you suffer from anxiety or depression, it does not mean you are crazy. Accepting it as something that will pass (not fighting it) is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Don’t hide, like so many of us do and please don’t suffer in silence.

Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss MollyI am here for you.

Do not hesitate for a moment to reach out to me privately at molly@stylemissmolly.com or tell someone else you trust. Don’t let anyone devalue or underplay what you are feeling because it is serious and your health needs to be supported.

You are loved and cherished more than you could possibly imagine. Despite what the pain feels like, you will get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel, so don’t give up. I’m with you, loving and supporting you every step of the way. This was the hardest post ever for me to write, but if I can do my part by sharing my story and helping even one person, I know it’s worth it. Remember, you are not alone.

Battling Depression - You're Gonna Be Ok - Style Miss Molly

How you can help a loved one:

I’m thankful to have had the support of wonderful people in my life who have helped carry me through as well. If you know someone who is suffering, here are some things you can do to help:

  • Remind them of their value to this world.
  • Offer support and listen to their feelings without judgment.
  • Tell them, “This too shall pass.”
  • Help them break down their routines into simple tasks they can get through.
  • Stay in contact with them — (remember, they can feel very isolated at times).
  • Encourage them with words to bring a glimmer of hope.
  • Tell them it’s OK to feel everything they’re feeling.
  • Help them find someone to talk to, who’s either been through it or is licensed to know how to deal with it.

Finally, I leave you with a song that has helped carry me through my darkest of days — You’re Gonna Be OK. It’s so true — you are!

I’m always here for you,

P.S. A very dear friend of mine wrote “Read This If You are Considering Suicide” and it may be exactly what you need to hear if you too suffer from these thoughts.

*Please call the Suicide Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255 or 911 if this is an emergency. Or reach out to trained crisis counselors on the Crisis Text Line by texting 741-741.

Photo credit: Jenna Lynn Photography

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Miss Molly

I’m Molly! An optimist. Adventurer. Wanderlust. I created this space to inspire others with words of encouragement known as #MollysWords and share inspiration through my personal style and smiles. I always want my readers to leave with a smile and I hope you do!

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55 Comments

  1. Kait Elizabeth
    May 30, 2017 / 5:59 pm

    The worst is when you feel everything at once and yet at the same time nothing at all. Unfortunately, there are many many times when my depression controls my entire life rather than me controlling it. I love you babe and I KNOW you are so strong and your smile is always there deep inside. Hugs, Kait Elizabeth
    http://www.baskinginburgundy.com

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:42 pm

      I know you get me and that is such a reassuring and encouraging thing to me. Your friendship means so much to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life. Can’t wait to see us both continue to grow stronger and inspire others through the process! Love you!

  2. Ellie Chan
    May 30, 2017 / 6:05 pm

    I adore your honesty here! I can relate to all those points! Wanting to socialize but being exhausted from it all, crying over everything and oftentimes for no apparent reason. Personal tragedies have had me on the brink and many people just cannot understand. Depression’s not understood the way it should be but talking about it is crucial! Huge hugs girl! You are amazing and we’re all right here by your side!

    Ellie | http://www.scotchandstilettos.com

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:43 pm

      Thanks Ellie! I’m glad this was able to reach your heart too. I agree, talking about it is definitely so important. Thanks for staying by my side even when it’s been rough for me! You’re the best!

  3. May 30, 2017 / 6:13 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this so honestly, Molly! Proud of you. I resonate with every single word that you wrote here, and it means so much that you opened up to share with others to let me know they’re not alone. I’ve been thinking and praying for you a lot ever since our messages back and fourth a couple weeks ago. I love that you emphasized not suffering in silence – I always did because I didn’t want to be a hindrance to anyone. But I was wrong, I wouldn’t have been a burden to anyone that loved me. Love you so much girl! Let’s chat soon!

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:45 pm

      Thank you Summer! I definitely know that your prayers have helped, because I was able to come out on the other side and pick myself up enough to write this post. This post meant so much to me because it’s authentically ME and sharing it means a lot. Love having you by my side! LOVE YOU!

  4. May 30, 2017 / 6:49 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this Molly. Know that you’re never alone with this and your words are truly helpful to others. Sending over hugs and prayers for you beautiful girl!

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:47 pm

      Thank you Cara! It means so much to me to have your support as another blogger. Truly appreciate your hugs and prayers more than you know!

  5. May 30, 2017 / 7:00 pm

    I can relate to this even though I don’t have depression because I get some of these same symptoms from my hormone imbalances. 🙁 Your advice is so thoughtful and I love that you also have a theme song (mine is “Keep Your Head Up” by Andy Grammer). Thank you for sharing this beautiful post – and keep your head up! xo

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:49 pm

      Hormone imbalances have been HUGE for me and I definitely think it was a big contributing factor to triggering depression. I’m sorry that you are going through the same. I’ve been listening to “Keep Your Head Up” too — such a cheer me up type of song! Thanks for encouraging me!

  6. Crystal Reed
    May 30, 2017 / 7:25 pm

    Wow this is amazing – thank you for sharing!

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:49 pm

      Thank you Crystal! I was so honored that it was able to touch your heart. Thanks for supporting me and letting me share my story!

  7. Kristen Rodriguez
    May 30, 2017 / 11:15 pm

    I love and appreciate your openness. This post will touch and relate to so many reading it. I am so with you and I have been where you have been. From job changes to full on quitting my job because my anxiety at work was so bad–from that decision, I learned that it was time to take care of myself. Talking about anxiety and depression is one of the hardest things, but once you do, it’s almost like a weight is lifted. We are definitely not alone. <3 xx, Kristen @ A Classy Fashionista

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:51 pm

      Kristen, thank you encouraging me. You are so right, that once we do share these things a weight is lifted. You and I have been through some of the same things, anxiety, job changes, etc. It definitely is important to take care of yourself! You can come to me anytime lovely!

  8. May 31, 2017 / 12:01 pm

    This is such a beautiful, brave, honest post. As both a mental health professional and a person who has struggled with depression in the past, some of the best validation is to know that other people have shared your experience. This post is going to help a lot of people!

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:52 pm

      Wow, thank you Amanda. It truly is an honor to have you read my post and affirm that this will help others. That is my passion and my purpose, and even though being vulnerable is scary I want others to know they are not alone. Hugs to you!

  9. May 31, 2017 / 12:47 pm

    Johanna, I am so glad that I was able to touch your heart by sharing my vulnerability. That truly means so much to me that you share your story too. I’ve been through many of the same battles — divorce, job switch, guilt… Life isn’t supposed to be easy, but it’s so nice to know we have each other to rely on when times get touch. It all starts with having the courage to admit we don’t have it all together as you said! Thank you for your very kind words and encouragement!

  10. Gabby
    May 31, 2017 / 12:52 pm

    You are very brave for sharing your story. I lost my brother to suicide and work in suicide prevention now and you’ve shared some very important things. Especially with blogging and social media, it can be hard for depressed people–an article just came out from Teen Vogue that Instagram is considered ‘the worst app’ for mental health. People compare their everyday struggles to what is another person’s highlight reel and feel lacking.

    I am also glad you included the national crisis line at the end. They do a chatline as well and there’s also a text option at 741-741 for those who don’t like the phone. Thanks again for sharing your story.

    • May 31, 2017 / 12:56 pm

      Wow, thank you Gabby for sharing your story as well. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain that comes from that. I probably could have written that article for Teen Vogue, because as I pursue my blog and social media for marketing purposes more, I definitely have found that out about Instagram. I’m very interested in reading this article! Comparison can be such a kill joy!
      Also, I didn’t know that about their text option. I will definitely include that in my post!

  11. May 31, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    THIS!!! is an amazing post. First, I cannot thank you enough for reading this {& can’t imagine how hard it was to physically put in words} because I KNOW it will help others. AS wonderful as the online world can be, it’s also something that can cause some triggers for me. I also think depression is not fully understood. As someone who has it {again, thank you for this post}, one of my daily battles is physically getting out of bed. If I don’t, I’ll stay there trapped in my mind until it’s time to go back to sleep. I love how you broke it down on how to help. Sending you my love & as lame as it sounds if you {or anyone reading this{ ever want to just chat, email me at any time: shannon@champagneatshannons.com x

    Sending you so many virtual hugs,
    Shannon || http://champagneatshannons.com

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:17 pm

      AWWW Thank you Shannon! Your response nearly brought tears to my eyes. I definitely agree that the online world can be a massive trigger, so I have to remind myself to step away from it every now and then and just BE. I truly am sorry you suffer from this as well and if you need a support system, you got my back too! We can make it through this even if it’s one day at a time!

  12. May 31, 2017 / 1:43 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this!! You are so brave, and I am so sorry that you’re struggling with these feelings. You are a beautiful soul and a light to so many. This post is SO wonderful and such an encouragement. xx

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:18 pm

      Thank you Stephanie! That is my heart, to be a light, so I hope that I will be that to many who need it!

  13. May 31, 2017 / 2:49 pm

    Thank you for being brave enough to be so honest! I am sure this wasn’t an easy post to write, but you are helping so many people by breaking the stigma around mental health. Thank you for including the bit about what you can do for people who suffer from depression. I have had many people close to me deal with this battle and it’s sometimes hard to know what to do for them. xoxo

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:19 pm

      Thank you Lacey for understanding. You are right. It wasn’t easy, but my goal is as you said — to break down that stigma around mental health. I hope you are able to be there for your friends who need a little extra encouragement as they face this battle.

  14. Tanya Salemme
    May 31, 2017 / 4:30 pm

    This was beautiful, thank you Molly for sharing this. I couldn’t help but feel the need to say “Oh my gosh, me too!” after every bullet point. Thank you for sparking the interest in me into seeing a professional about some of my own thoughts, thinking maybe I am just too tired or too overwhelmed and sweeping it under the rug is exactly the opposite of what I should be doing. You are amazing. <3

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:21 pm

      Girl I am 100% supporting you however you need! I remember my first time seeing a therapist. I was so nervous and terrified, but I knew I had to get over any guilt or shame (that I was feeling for no reason) and just go. I loved it! Now I encourage anyone to go because it teaches you amazing things about life and about yourself. Thank you for sharing your story too. All my love to you!

  15. May 31, 2017 / 6:54 pm

    Thank you for opening up and sharing this. Anxiety and depression have such a huge stigma around them but are definitely things people are dealing with more often than not. It’s SO important to have these discussions! Sending hugs your way, girl!

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:22 pm

      Thanks for the hugs! You are SO right, that we need to break down those stigmas and have these discussions. It’s something that’s very real and shouldn’t ever me underplayed. Bless you!

  16. Julie
    May 31, 2017 / 6:55 pm

    Molly – thank you for being so RAW! It is truly okay to be not okay. I have definitely struggled with depression as well and its so nice to know that I am not the only one. I can’t count the number of times i’ve told my friends i’m sick when really i just can’t push myself to socialize. Smiles are easy, life is hard. Just by sharing this tho, I think shows an immense amount of strength in you! Find your happy no matter what it is and stick to it!

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:23 pm

      Girl you get me and I’m so glad I was able to share my heart with you. You said “I can’t count the number of times i’ve told my friends i’m sick when really i just can’t push myself to socialize,” and you could quote me on that too! Hoping we both find strength in ourselves and in each other and keep going no matter how tough it gets! Sending all my love!

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:23 pm

      Thanks for the hug! Much needed! I’m so thankful you appreciated my vulnerability. It wasn’t easy for sure.

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:24 pm

      Thank you for calling me brace, that truly means so much to me and I really hope this post was able to touch the hearts of many.

  17. Jenny Pillans
    May 31, 2017 / 8:35 pm

    This post is everything I needed today. My friends and family see me as a “happy and bubbly” person but lately I’ve just felt so grey. Thank you for being brave enough to share your feelings. You are not alone. <3

    • June 2, 2017 / 5:25 pm

      Hi Jenny, I’m so glad this post was exactly what you needed. I too am that “happy and bubbly” person so when I was grey I often am much harder on myself than I should be. It will pass. In time, but it will. I hope you have a wonderful weekend! And remember, you are not alone <3

  18. June 1, 2017 / 4:43 am

    Thank you so much for your honestly Molly <3 This post hit so close to home for me. I always grew up with a huge smile on my face, and people would always tell me "you dont look like yourself when youre not smiling" and all the other things I am sure you are familiar with as someone who is always smiling… but the reality was I had undiagnosed depression from the time I was around four years old or so… which led to a lot of self medicating and getting in trouble during my teen years. Eventually my parents finally listened to me and took me to see someone who diagnosed me with dysthymic disorder (basically long term chronic depression with episodic depressive episodes layer on top and GAD). IT's been a whirlwind learning to live with it all and learning to even have people in my life (something I still struggle with), but it is always improving and getting better. Know you are not alone, and if you ever need anything I am always here <3

  19. June 1, 2017 / 5:17 am

    I’ve felt so much of this myself – you are so brave and beautiful inside and out for sharing this, Molls. And you’re so right – suffering in silence helps NO ONE! Here for you always!!!

    Coming Up Roses

  20. Emily Soto
    June 1, 2017 / 5:30 am

    Thank you for opening up about this subject. I have suffered with anxiety and depression myself and it feels so isolating. It’s good to know that I’m not alone!
    P.S. you’re beautiful!

    Emily
    withstyleandgrace.net

  21. Brittany Steinkamp
    June 1, 2017 / 7:47 am

    Beautifully written – I think more people suffering from depression and anxiety need to read positive posts like this one. Something they can relate to and be reminded it will be OK. I loved your tips for others to help their friends as well – something people probably avoid because they’re unsure how to handle the situation. Thank you for sharing…

    http://www.agneswright.com

  22. June 1, 2017 / 7:48 am

    Thank you so much for sharing. Twice in my life I’ve battled intense anxiety. The second time it popped back up, I felt like a total failure. I was so glad that I was already in counseling and had a wonderful support system of friends who I could share my struggle with and not be judged. “It’s OK to not be OK” is a mantra a former church of mine said every single week, and it’s so empowering. I’m certain that your bravery in sharing here is encouraging many other people in their journey.

  23. June 1, 2017 / 6:48 pm

    I love your vulnerability here and I know that you’re helping someone in need by writing this. It’s unfortunate that something so painfully common can remain so stigmatized. Thanks for these words, lady. <3

  24. June 1, 2017 / 6:55 pm

    I suffer from GAD and PPD. It’s definitely a hard battle each and every day. But, focusing on the small happy things really helps!

  25. Waterwanderer
    June 1, 2017 / 7:24 pm

    This is wonderful, Molly. Thanks so much for sharing. I truly appreciate your openness and honesty! Xoxox

  26. Shani Ogden
    June 1, 2017 / 8:47 pm

    I’m so sorry. This must be such a hard thing to deal with. I haven’t had depression, but I’ve felt some of these things when I’ve experienced multiple miscarriages. It wasn’t until I had my third one that I finally opened up about it and that’s when I felt so much less alone. Somehow, things seem at least a little bit easier when we have someone to share the burden with. *hugs*

  27. June 2, 2017 / 5:36 am

    I have struggled with anxiety, depression, and ocd for years. Itis real and hard and I am so glad you are discussing it. Praise God for good family, friends, medication, and doctors who know how to help. They make a world of difference.

  28. Zana Djakovic
    June 2, 2017 / 1:22 pm

    This was very brave to share Molly. I am so proud of you! I can feel your honesty and those emotions. Stay strong dear!
    Sending you lots of love!

  29. June 3, 2017 / 4:40 pm

    I am seriously so proud of you, I can’t even begin to type a comment that shares how proud of you I am. Sometimes I feel like we are the same person. This part particularly resonated with me, “I want to be left alone, but I don’t want to feel lonely..” Reading through these comments of support, I’m tearing up! Thank you so much for mentioning my post. I feel absolutely honored.

    I LOVE YOU.

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